OLIVER!
FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
BOYS
Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live 'til eighty four
All we ever get is gru...el!
Ev'ry day we say our prayer --
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gru...el!
There is not a cust, not a crumb can we find,
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag...ine
Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we're in the mood --
Cold jelly and custard!
Pease pudding and saveloys!
What next is the question?
Rich gentlemen have it, boys --
In-di-gestion!
Food, glorious food!
We're anxious to try it.
Three banquets a day --
Our favourite diet!
Just picture a great big steak --
Fried, roasted or stewed.
Oh, food,
Wonderful food,
Marvellous food,
Glorous food.
Food, glorious food!
What is ther emore handsome?
Gulped, swallowed or chewed --
Still worth a kin's ransom.
What is it we dream about?
Wat brings on a sigh?
Piled pieahes and cream , about
Six feet high!
Food, glorious food!
Eat right through the menu.
Just loosen your belt
Two inches and then you
Work up a new appetite.
In this interlude --
The food,
Once again, food
Fabulous food,
Glorious food.
Food, glorious food!
Don't care what it looks like --
Burned!
Underdone!
Crude!
Don't care what the cook's like.
Just thinking of growing fat --
Our senses go reeling
One moment of knowing that
Full-up feeling!
Food, glorious food!
What wouldn't we give for
That extra bit more --
That's all that we live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On food,
Magical food,
Wonderful food,
Marvellous food,
Fabulous food,
OLIVER
Beautiful food,
BOYS
Glorious food.
OLIVER!
MR. BUMBLE
For what you are about to receive
May the lord make you truly thankful.
BOYS
Amen
OLIVER
(spoken) Please, Sir, I want some more.
MR. BUMBLE
(spoken) What?!
OLIVER
(spoken) Please, Sir, I want some more.
MR. BUMBLE
(spoken) More!?
WIDOW CORNEY
Catch him!
MR. BUMBLE
Snatch him!
WIDOW CORNEY
Hold him!
MR. BUMBLE
Scold him!
WIDOW CORNEY
Pounce him!
Trounce him!
Pick him up and bounce him!
MR. BUMBLE
Wait!
Before we put the lad to task
May I be so crious as to ask
His name?
BOYS (whispering)
O-li-ver.
WIDOW CORNEY AND MR. BUMBLE
Oliver! Oliver!
MR. BUMBLE
Never beofre has a boy wanted more!
MR. BUMBLE AND WIDOW CORNEY
Oliver! Oliver!
WIDOW CORNEY
Won't ask for more whne he knows what's in store.
MR. BUMBLE
There a dar, thin, winding stairway
Witout an bannister
Whil we'll throuwhim down, and feed him on
Cockrouches served in a canister
ALL
Oliver! Oliver!
MR. BUMBLE
What will he do when he's turned black and blue?
He will curse the day
Somebody named him
ALL
O-li-ver!
MR. BUMBLE
Oliver! Oliver!
Never before has a boy wanted more!
Oliver! Oliver!
WIDOW CORNEY
Won't ask for more
When he knows what's in store.
MR. BUMBLE
There's a sooty chimney
Long overdue for a sweeping out
Which we'll push him up,
And one day next year with the rats he'll be creeping out.
ALL
Oliver! Oliver!
MR. BUMBLE
What will her do?
In this terrible stew?
He will rue the day somebody name him...
ALL AND WIDOW CORNEY
O-li-ver!
GOVERNORS
Oliver!
Oliver!
Never before has a boy asked for more
Oliver!
Oliver!
CHAIRMAN
Pray some decorum restore, I implore...
Let us face this case, it's
Unpreedented, qute utterly.
GOVERNORS
He's disgraced this place.
LARGE GOVERNOR
Encouraging others to swallow in gluttony.
ALL
Oliver!...Oliver!
Lock him in jail
And then put him on sale,
For the highest bid
Glad to be rid
Of
O-li-ver!
WIDOW CORNEY(spoken)
Lock him up!
Collect his belongings then bring him back to me when you've done.
To bed, all of you!
I SHALL SCREAM
WIDOW CORNEY(spoken)
You're a cruel man.
And a hardhearted man besides.
MR. BUMBLE(spoken)
Hardhearted, Mrs. Corney? Hard?
Are you hardhearted, Mrs. Corney?
WIDOW CORNEY(spoken)
Dear me! What a curious question coming from a single man. What can you want to know
for, Mr. Bumble? Mr. Bumble, I shall scream!
MR. BUMBLE
No you wouldn't, heigh ho.
If I wanted something special,
Then you couldn't say "no".
Did I nearly catch you smiling?
Yes I did. And it's beguiling.
If you hand is close, I'll press it.
Yes, you like it -- come confess it!
Yes, you do...
WIDOW CORNEY
No, I don't.
MR. BUBLE
Yes, you do!
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream! I shall scream!
'Til they hasten to my rescue, I shall scream.
MR. BUMBLE
Since there's nobody that's near us
Who cold see us. or could hear us?
If you ask you can I kiss you
Say what will my pretty miss do?
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream, scream, scream!
MR. BUMBLE
If I pinch you one pinch --
From you shy protective shell
Can I un-inch you one inch?
Will my blinthesome, buxum beauty
Let her suitor do his duty?
Tho' his lap ain't very large, dear
Sit upon it -- There's no charge, dear.
Will you sit?
WIDOW CORNEY
No, I shan't
MR. BUMBLE
Will you sit?
WIDOW BUMBLE
I shall scream! I shall scream!
For the safety of my virtue I shall sream
Tho' your knee is rather cosy,
See my cheeks are getting rosy.
You would have me in your power.
If I sat here for an hour...
MR. BUMBLE
I shall scream, scream, scream!
WIDOW CORNEY
You're a naughty bad man.
If you think I can't be proper,
Prim and haughty -- I can
And you'll pardon if I mention
You must state your true intention.
MR. BUMBLE
Is there not another room here?
WIDOW CORNEY
No!
MR. BUMBLE
If there would be a bride and groom here --- would there be?
WIDOW CORNEY
Well there might.
MR. BUMBLE
We shall see.
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream! I shall scream!
At the thought of what you're thinking, I shall scream!
MR. BUMBLE
You will wonder where the scream went
When we ome to an agreement
As my lovey-dovey is chubby
Could she love a chubby hubby?
WIDOW CORNEY
I shall scream, Mr. Bumble!
I shall scream, Bumble-Wumble!
I shall scream, scream, scream!
BOY FOR SALE
WIDOW CORNEY(spoken)
Get a good price for him, Mr. Bumble.
MR. BUMBLE
One boy,
Boy for sale.
He's going cheap.
Only seven guineas.
That -- or thereabouts.
Small boy...
Rather pale...
From lack of sleep.
Feed him gruel dinners.
Stop him getting stout.
If I should say he wasn't very greedy...
I could not, I'd be telling you a tale.
One boy,
Boy for sale.
Come take a peep.
Have you ever seen as
Nice
A boy
For sale.
THAT'S YOUR FUNERAL
MR. BUMBLE(spoken)
Liberal terms, Mr. Sowerberry...Liberal terms? Three pounds!
SOWERBERRY(spoken)
Well, as a matter of fact, I was needing a boy....
MR. BUMBLE
He's a born undertaker's mute.
I can see him in his black silk suit.
Following behind the funeral procession...
With his features fixed in a suitable expression.
There'll be horses with tall balck plumes
To escort us to the family tombs,
With mourners
In all corners
Who've been taught to week in tune.
Then the coffin lined with satin.
That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY
Large enough to wear your hat in.
That's your funearl.
MRS. SOWERBERRY
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY
We're just here to glamourize you for that
Endless sleep.
MRS. SOWERBERRY AND SOWERBERRY
You might just as well look fetching
When you're six feet deep.
MRS. SOWERBERRY
At the wake we'll drink a toddy
To the body beautiful.
MR. SOWERBERRY
That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY
Not our funeral.
BOTH
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY
If you're fond of overeating
That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY
Starve yourself by undereating
That's your funeral.
THE FUNERAL PROCESSION
That's your funeral?
MRS. SOWERBERRY
Visualize the earth descentind on you clod by clod.
You can't come back when you're buried
Underneath the ...sod.
MRS. SOWERBERRY AND SOWERBERRY
We will not reduce our prices.
Keep your vices usual.
SOWERBERRY
That's your funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERY
Not our funeral.
MRS. SOWERBERRY
Not our funeral.
ALL
That's your funeral.
MR. BUMBLE
I don't think this song is funny.
SOWERBERRY
That's your funeral.
MR. BUMBLE
Here's the boy, now where's the money?
SOWERBERRY
That's your funeral.
MR. BUMBLE
That's your funeral.
SOWERBERRY
We don't harbour thoughts macabre,
There's no need to frown.
MRS. SOWERBERRY AND SOWEBERRY
In the end we'll either burn you up or nail you donw.
We love coughs and wheezes
And diseases called incurable.
That's your funeral.
No one else's funearl.
SOWERBERRY
That's your...
MRS. SOWEBERRY
That's your...
BOTH
Funeral!
WHERE IS LOVE?
MRS. SOWEBERRY(spoken)
Right then, Oliver Twist, your bed's underneath the counter. You don't mind sleeping
among coffins I suppose? It don't much matter whether you do or you don't cause you can't sleep
nowhere else!
OLIVER
Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneat the willow tree
That I've been dream of?
Where is she?
Who I close my eyes to see?
Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
That's only meant for me?
Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide?
'Til I am bedside the someone who
I can mean somethin to ...
Where...?
Where is love?
Who can say where...she may hide?
Must I travel...far and wide?
'Til I am beside...the someone who
I can mean...something to...
Where?
Where is love?
CONSIDER YOURSELF
DODGER(spoken)
So, Oliver Twist, you're coming with me.
OLIVER(spoken)
Are you sure Mr. Fagin won't mind?
DODGER(spoken)
Mind?!
Consider yourself at home.
Consider yourlef one of the familhy.
We've taken to you so strong.
It's clear we're going to get along.
Consider yourself well in
Consider yourslef par to the furniture.
There isn't a lot to spare.
Who cares?..What ever we've goin we share!
If it should chance to be
We should see
Some harder days
Empty larder days
Why grouse?
Alsyas a-chance we'll meet
Somebody
To foot the bill
Then the drinks are on the house!
Consider yourself our mate.
We do't want to have no fuss,
For after some consideration, we can state...
Consider yourself
One of us!
Consider yourself...
OLIVER
At home?
DODGER
Consider yourself...
OLIVER
One of the family
CAPTAIN
We've taken to you
OLIVER
So strong
HAND WALKER
It's clear...we're...
ALL
Going to get along
DODGER
Consider yourself...
CHARLIE BATES
Well in!
DODGER
Consider yourself...
SNAKE
Part of the furniture
OLIVER
There isn't a lot to spare
ALL
Who cares?
Whatever we got we share
DODGER
Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah or uppity--
There a cup-o'-tea for all.
ALL
Only it's wise to be handy wiv a rolling pin
Whne the landlord omes to call!
DODGER
Consider yourself
Our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss
ALL
For after some consideration we can sate
OLIVER
Considter yourself
DODGER
Yes!
ALL
One of us!
COMPANY
Consider yourself at home...
We've taken to you so strong.
Consider yourself well in...
There isn't a lot to spare
If it should chance to be
We should see
Some harder days
Empty larder days --
Why grouse?
Always a chane we'll meet
Somebody
To food the bill --
Then the drinks are on the house!
Consider yourself our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some consideration, we can state...
Consider yourself...
One of us!
DODGER
Consider yourself
ALL
At home.
DODGER
We've taken to you
ALL
So strong
DODGER
Consider yourself
ALL
Well in.
There isn't a lot to spare.
Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah or uppity.
There's a cup-o'-tea for all
Only it's wise to be handy wiv a rolling pin
Wen the landlord comes to call
Consider yourself our mate
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some consideration we can state
Consider yourself
One of us...
For after some consideration we can state
Consider yourself...
One of us!
If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days,
Empyt larder days,
Why grouse?
Always a chance we'll meet
Somebody to foot the bill.
Then the drinks are on the house.
Consider yourself at home.
Consider yourself one of the family.
We've taken to you so strong.
It's clear we're going to get along.
Consider yourself well in.
Consider yourself part of the furniture.
There isn't a lot to spare.
Who cares?
Whatever we've got we share.
If it should chance to be
We should see some harder days,
Empty larder days,
Why grouse?
Always a chance we'll meet
Somebody to foot the bill.
Then the drinks are on the house.
Consider yourself our mate.
We don't want to have no fuss
For after some considertaion we can state
Consider yourself...
One of us!!
YOU'VE GOT TO PICK-A-POCKET OR TWO
FAGIN(spoken)
You see, Oliver...
(sung) In this life, one thing counts
In the bank, large amounts
I'm afraid these don't grow on trees,
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys,
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.
BOYS
Large amounts don't grow on trees.
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.
FAGIN (spoken)
Let's show Oliver how it's done, shall we, my dears?
(sung) Why should we break our backs
Stupidly paying tax?
Better get some untaxed income
Better to pick-a-pocket or two.
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.
BOYS
Why should we all break our backs?
Better pick-a-pocket or two.
FAGIN (spoken)
Who says crime doesn't pay?
(sung) Robin Hood, what a crook!
Gave away, what he took.
Charity's fine, subscribe to mine.
Get out and pick-a-pocket or two
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.
BOYS
Robin Hood was far too good
He had to pick-a-pocket or two.
FAGIN
Take a tip from Bill Sikes
He can whip what he likes.
I recall, he started small
He had to pick-a-pocket or two.
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.
BOYS
We can be like old Bill Sikes
If we pick-a-pocket or two.
FAGIN(spoken)
Stop thief!
Dear old gent passing by
Something nice takes his eye
Everything's clear, attack the rear
Get in and pick-a-pocket or two.
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.
BOYS
Have no fear, attack the rear
Get in and pick-a-pocket or two.
FAGIN
When I see someone rich,
Both my thumbs start to itch
Only to find some peace of mind
We have to pick-a-pocket or two.
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.
BOYS
Just to find some peace of mind
FAGIN AND BOYS
We have to pick-a-pocket or two!
RUM TUM TUM
FAGIN(spoken)
Just do everything you see Dodger and Charlie do. Make 'em your models, my dear --
especially Dodger -- He's going to be right little... Bill Sikes! Tell me my dear, you see my
hankerchief? See if you can take it from me without my noticing -- like you saw the others do.
Rum-tum-tum,
Rum-tum-tum
Pom-pom-pom
Pom-pom-pom
Skiddle-eye-tye
Tee-rye-tye-tye
Tee-ruppa-tuppa-ruppa-tum-tum
You've got to pick a pocket or two! You've got to pick a pocket or two!
IT'S A FINE LIFE
NANCY (spoken)
Plummy and slam!
FAGIN (spoken)
Nancy! Wake up boys! The ladies is 'ere.
DODGER (spoken)
Ladies?! Cor! 'Ark at him!
NANCY (spoken)
'Ere, we'll have less of that if you don't mind!
'Ere, so where's the gin, then, Fagin?
FAGIN (spoken)
All in moderation, my dear, all in moderation.
Too much gin can be a dangerous thing for a pure, young girl.
NANCY (spoken)
Ooh, and what's wrong with a bit of danger then, eh, Mr. Fagin?
After all it's about the only excitement we get. And who would deny us that small pleasure?
(sung) Small pleasures, small pleasures
Who would deny us these?
Gin toddies -- large measuress --
No skimpin' if you please!
I rough it, I love it
Life is a game of chance.
I never tire of it --
Leading this merry dance.
If you don't mind having to go without things
It's a fine life.
ALL
It's a fine life.
NANCY
Tho' it ain't all jolly old pleasure outings...
It's a fine life
ALL
It's a fine life.
NANCY
When you got someone to love
You forget your cares and strife
Let the prudes look down on us
Let the wide world frown on us
It's a fine,
ALL
Fine life!
NANCY (spoken)
Ain't that right, Bet? Go on, you tell 'em girl.
BET
Who cares if straightlaces
Sneer at us in the street?
Fine airs and fine graces
NANCY
Don't have to sin to eat.
BOTH
We wander through London
NANCY
Who knows what we many find?
BOTH
There's pockets left undone
On many a behind.
NANCY
If you don't mind taking it as it turns out,
It's a fine life!
ALL
It's a fine life!
NANCY
Keep the candle burning until it burns out
It's a fine life.
ALL
It's a fine life.
NANCY
Though you sometimes do come by
The occasional black eye
You can always cover one
'Til he blacks the other one
But you don't dare cry.
BET
No flounces, no feathers
No frills and furbelows
All winds and all weathers
Ain't good for fancy clo'es
NANCY (spoken)
That's true.
(sung) These trappings,
BET
These ta'ers
BOTH
These we can just afford.
NANCY
What future?
BET
What ma'ers?
BOTH
We've got our bed and board.
NANCY
If you don't mind having to deal with Fagin
It's a fine life!
ALL
It's a fine life!
NANCY
Though diseased rats threaten to bring the plague in
It's a fine life!
ALL
It's a fine life!
NANCY
But the grass is green and dense
On the right side of the 'fence'.
BOTH
And we take good care of it
That we get our share of it
And we don't mean pence.
No! If you don't mind having to like or lump it...
It's a fine life
ALL
It's a fine life!
NANCY
Tho' there's no tea-supping and eating crumpet
It's a fine life!
ALL
It's a fine life!
NANCY
Not for me, the happy home
Happy husband, happy wife
Tho' it sometimes touches me...
...For the likes of such as me...
Mine's a fine...
ALL
Fine... life!
I'D DO ANYTHING
NANCY(spoken)
So, 'ow's it go then Dodger? It's all "bowin'" and "'ats off"...
DODGER(spoken)
And "Don't let your petticoats go dangling in the mud, my darling."
NANCY(spoken)
Oh, "And I'll go last."
DODGER(spoken)
No, I'll go last.
NANCY(spoken)
If you insist.
DODGER(sung)
I'll do anything
For you dear anything
For you mean everything to me.
I know that
I'll go anywhere
For your smile, anywhere --
For your smile, ev'rywhere --
I'd see.
NANCY
Would you climb a hill?
DODGER
Anything!
NANCY
Wear a daffodil?
DODGER
Anything!
NANCY
Leave me all your will?
DODGER
Anything!
NANCY
Even fight my Bill?
DODGER
What? Fisticuffs?
I'd risk everything
For one kiss -- everything
Yes, I'd do anything...
NANCY
Anything?!
DODGER
Anything for you!!
NANCY (spoken)
'Ere now, Oliver, you just copy Dodger and I'll help you out with the words, alright? So it's "I'll do
anything"
OLIVER (sung)
I'll do anything
NANCY (spoken)
For you dear
OLIVER (sung)
For you dear, anything
NANCY (spoken)
For you mean
OLIVER (sung)
For you mean everything to me
NANCY (spoken)
Ah, that's lovely.
OLIVER
I know that
I'd go anywhere
For your smile, anywhere --
For your smile, everywhere
I'd see
BET
Would you lace my shoe?
OLIVER
Anything!
BET
Paint your face bright blue?
OLIVER
Anything!
BET
Catch a kangaroo?
OLIVER
Anything!
BET
Go to Timbuktu?
OLIVER
And back again!
I'd risk ev'rything
For one kiss -- everything --
Yes, I'd do anything
BET
Anything?!
OLIVER
Anything for you!!
DODGER (spoken)
Dance, Nancy.
NANCY (spoken)
Oh, alright, Dodge. C'mon boys!
1-2-3...
FAGIN
Would you rob a shop?
ALL
Anything!
FAGIN
Would you risk the "drop"?
ALL
Anything!
FAGIN
Tho' your eyes go, 'pop'
ALL
Anything!
FAGIN
When you come down 'plop'
ALL
Hang ev'rything!
We'd risk life and limb
To keep you in the swim
Yes, we'd do anything...
FAGIN
Anything?!
ALL
Anything for you.
BE BACK SOON
DODGER
Line up!
BOYS
Line up!
DODGER
Single file!
BOYS
Single file!
Slope arms
Left...left
Right...right...Ol! Ol!
FAGIN
You can go,
But be back soon
You can go,
But while you're working.
This place,
I'm pacing round...
Until you're home,
...Safe and sound
Fare thee well,
But be back soon
Who can tell
Where danger's lurking?
Do not forget this tune
Be back soon.
BOYS
How could we forget
How could we let
Our dear old Fagin worry?
We love him so.
We'll come back home
In, oh, such a great big
Hurry
DODGER
It's him that pays the piper.
BOYS
It's us that pipes his tune
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon.
FAGIN
You can go
But be back soon
You can go,
But bring back plenty
Of pocket hankerchiefs
And you should be clever thieves.
Whip it quick,
and be back soon
There's a sixpence here for twenty
Ain't that a lovely tune?
Be back soon.
DODGER
Our pockets'll hold
A watch of gold
That chimes upon the hour
BOYS
A wallet fat
An old man's hat
DODGER
The crown jewels from the tower
We know
The Bow Street Runners,
ALL
But they don't know this tune.
So long, fare thee well.
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon.
FAGIN
Cheerio, but be back soon.
I dunno, somehow I'll miss you
I love you, that why I
Say, "Cheerio"...
Not goodbye.
Don't be gone long
Be back soon.
Give me one long,
Last look...
Bless you.
Remember our old tune...
Be back soon!
BOYS
We must disappear,
We'll be back here,
Today...
...Perhaps tomorrow.
We'll miss you too
FAGIN
It's sad but true
That parting is such sweet sorrow.
ALL
And when we're in the distance
You'll hear this
Whipered tune...
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon
And when we're in the distance
You'll hear this
Whipered tune...
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon
FAGIN
Cheerio, but be back soon.
I dunno, somehow I'll miss you
I love you, that why I
Say, "Cheerio"...
Not goodbye.
Don't be gone long
Be back soon.
Give me one long,
Last look...
Bless you.
Remember our old tune...
Be back soon!
BOYS
We must disappear,
We'll be back here,
Today...
...Perhaps tomorrow.
We'll miss you too
It's sad but true
That parting is such sweet sorrow.
And when we're in the distance
You'll hear this
Whipered tune...
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon
You'll hear this
Whipered tune...
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon
And when we're in the distance
You'll hear this
Whipered tune...
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon
OLIVER
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon
BOYS
So long, fare thee well
Pip! Pip! Cheerio!
We'll be back soon
