1.PRELUDE 
Orchestra 



2.I GET A KICK OUT OF YOU 


RENO
My story is much too sad to be told, 
But practically ev'rything leaves me totally cold 
The only exception I know is the case 
When I'm out on a quiet spree 
Fighting vainly the old ennui 
And I suddenly turn and see 
Your fabulous face. 

I get no kick from champagne. 
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all, 
So tell me why should it be true 
That I get a kick out of you? 

Some get a kick from cocaine. 
I'm sure that if I took even one sniff 
That would bore me terrific'ly too 
Yet I get a kick out of you. 

I get a kick ev'rytime I see 
You standing there before me. 
I get a kick though it's clear to me 
You obviously don't adore me. 
I get no kick in a plane, 
Flying too high with some guy in the sky 
Is my idea of nothing to do, 
Yet I get a kick out of you. 



3.THERE'S NO CURE LIKE TRAVEL 


GIRL 
My dear, you're sailing off without me. 
Yet you don't seem to give a damn. 

SAILOR 
I know it's fearful of me not to be 
More tearful, 
But thank heaven I am. 

GIRL 
You mean to say you're glad to leave me? 
Can I believe that's what you mean? 

SAILOR 
Why, don't be funny, I'm just wild about you, honey, 
But I'm oh, so glad, so glad, 
It's driving me mad to say goodbye 
To all things that typify 
The humdrum of my daily routine. 

CREW 
And there's no cure like travel 
To help you unravel 
The worries of living today. 
When the poor brain is cracking 
There's nothing like packing 
A suitcase and sailing away. 
Take a run 'round Vienna, 
Granada, Ravenna, Sienna 
And then a-'round Rome. 
Have as high time, a low time, 
And in no time 
You'll be singing "Home, Sweet Home". 



4.BON VOYAGE 


PURSER
Final call!  All ashore that's goin' ashore! 
Final call! 

CREW 
Bon voyage, 

PASSENGERS 
You mean "Bon Voyage". 

CREW 
I hate to say goodbye, sweetheart. 
By the seashore, 

PASSENGERS
You mean "sur la plage". 

All 
I'll wait and watch the sea 
Till you come back to me, 

CREW 
Oh my dearie, 

PASSENGERS
You mean "ma chérie", 

CREW
I'm yours for life, 

PASSENGERS
You mean "pour la vie", 

CREW 
So kiss me, pretty wench, 

All 
In English or in French. 
Bon voyage - "bon voyage". 

CREW
And there's no cure like travel 
To help you unravel, etc. 

PASSENGERS
Bon voyage, 
I mean "bon voyage", etc. 

All 
And there's no cure like travel 
To help you unravel 
The worries of living today. 
When the poor brain is cracking 
There's nothing like packing 
A suitcase and sailing away. 
Take a run 'round Vienna, 
Granada, Ravenna, Sienna 
And then a-'round Rome. 
Have as high time, a low time, 
And in no time 
You'll be singing "Home, Sweet Home". 



5.YOU'RE THE TOP 


RENO 
Billy, where's the old Crocker confidence?  You 
Think he's got one tiny fraction of your brains, 
your looks, your...your... 
At words poetic, I'm so pathetic 
That I always have found it best, 
Instead of getting 'em off my chest, 
To let 'em rest unexpressed, 
I hate parading my serenading 
As I'll probably miss a bar, 
But if this ditty is not so pretty 
But least it'll tell you 
How great you are. 

You're the top! 
You're the Colosseum. 
You're the top! 
You're the Louvre Museum. 
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss 
You're a Bendel bonnet, 
A Shakespeare's sonnet, 
You're Mickey Mouse. 
You're the Nile, 
You're the Tower of Pisa, 
You're the smile on the Mona Lisa 
I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop, 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top! 

BILLY
Your words poetic are not pathetic. 
On the other hand, babe, you shine, 
And I can feel after every line 
A thrill divine 
Down my spine. 
Now gifted humans like Vincent Youmans 
Might think that your song is bad, 
But I got a notion 
I'll second the motion 
And this is what I'm going to add; 

You're the top! 
You're Mahatma Gandhi. 
You're the top! 
You're Napoleon Brandy. 
You're the purple light 
Of a summer night in Spain, 
You're the National Gallery 
You're Garbo's salary, 
You're cellophane. 
You're sublime, 
You're turkey dinner, 
You're the time, the time of a Derby winner 
I'm a toy balloon that is fated soon to pop 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
You're the top! 

RENO 
You're the top! 
You're an arrow collar 
You're the top! 
You're a Coolidge dollar, 
You're the nimble tread 
Of the feet of Fred Astaire, 
You're an O'Neill drama, 

BILLY
You're Whistler's mama, 

RENO 
You're camembert. 

BILLY 
You're a rose, 
You're Inferno's Dante, 

RENO
You're the nose 
On the great Durante. 
I'm just in a way, 
As the French would say, "de trop". 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
You're the top! 

BILLY 
You're the top! 
You're a dance in Bali. 
You're the top! 
You're a hot tamale. 
You're an angel, you, 
Simply too, too, too diveen, 
You're a Boticcelli, 

RENO
You're Keats, 

BILLY
You're Shelly, 

RENO
You're Ovaltine. 

BILLY
You're a boom, 
You're the dam at Boulder, 
You're the moon, 
Over Mae West's shoulder, 
I'm the nominee of the G.O.P. 

RENO 
Or GOP! 

BILLY
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
You're the top! 

RENO 
You're the top! 
You're a Waldorf salad. 
You're the top! 
You're a Berlin ballad. 
You're the boats that glide 
On the sleepy Zuider Zee, 
You're an old Dutch master, 

BILLY
You're Lady Astor, 

RENO
You're broccoli. 

BILLY
You're romance, 
You're the steppes of Russia, 
You're the pants on a Roxy usher, 
I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop, 

BOTH 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
You're the top! 



6.EASY TO LOVE 


HOPE 
You're being terribly bad, Billy. 
Why, we hardly know each other. 

BILLY
Yeah, I guess you're right. 
Me and you -who am I kidding? 
I know too well that I'm 
Just wasting precious time 
In thinking such a thing could be 
That you could ever care for me. 
I'm sure you hate to hear 
That I adore you, dear, 
But grant me, just the same, 
I'm not entirely to blame, for... 
You'd be so easy to love, 
So easy to idolize, all others above, 
So sweet to waken with, 
So nice to sit down to the eggs and bacon with. 
We'd be so grand at the game, 
So carefree together that it does seem a shame 
That you can't see 
Your future with me 
'Cause you'd be, oh, so easy to love... 
You'd be so easy to love, 
So easy to idolize, all others above, 
So worth the yearning for, 
So swell to keep ev'ry home fire burning for. 
Oh, how we'd bloom, how we'd thrive 
In a cottage for two, or even three, four or five, 
So try to see 
Your future with me 
'Cause you'd be, oh, so easy to love... 

HOPE
Billy, this is all wrong.  I'm marrying Evelyn. 
Nothing can change that! 

BILLY
You can change that.  All you have to do is say - 

HOPE 
No!  If you don't let me alone, I'll make a scene! 

BILLY 
You love me, Hope - you're going to marry me! 

HOPE 
'Cause you'd be, oh, so easy to love... 



7.I WANT TO ROW ON THE CREW 


ELISHA WHITNEY
I want to row on the crew, Mama, 
That's the thing I want to do, Mama. 
To be known throughout Yale as I walk about it, 
Get a boil on my tail and then talk about it. 
I'd like to be a big bloke, Mama, 
And learn the new Argentine stroke, Mama. 
You'll see your slim son 
Putting crimps in the Crimson, 
When I row on the Varsity Crew. 



8.SAILOR'S CHANTEY 

QUARTET 
A sailor's life is supposed to be 
A hell of a lot of fun, 
Yes, but when you're a sailor, 
Take it from me, 
You work like a son of a gun. 
They give us jobs of ev'ry kind 
And chores of ev'ry sort, 
But sweat away, sailor, you don't mind 
'Cause you know when we reach port 
There will always be a lady fair, 
A Jenny fair or a Sadie fair, 
There'll always be a lady fair, 
Who's waiting there for you. 
There will always be a lady fair, 
To smooth your troubles 
And muss your hair, 
There'll always be a lady fair, 
Who's waiting there for you. 
There will always be a girl's caress, 
To change your answer 
From a NO to YES, 
There'll always be a lady fair, 
Who's waiting there for you. 



9.FRIENDSHIP 

MOON
You know, Reno, we should have teamed up years ago. 

RENO
We're two of a kind, all right. 

MOON
Partners! 

RENO 
Through thick and thin! 

MOON 
Night and day! 

RENO 
Right or wrong! 

MOON
If you're ever in a jam, here I am. 

RENO 
If you ever need a pal, I'm your gal. 

MOON 
If you ever feel so happy you land in jail, 
I'm your bail. 

BOTH 
It's friendship, friendship, 
Just a perfect blendship, 
When other friendships have been forgot 
Ours will still be hot! 
Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-dig-dig-dig. 

MOON 
If you're ever down a well, ring my bell. 

RENO 
If you ever catch on fire, send a wire. 

MOON
If you ever lose your teeth 
When you're out to dine, 
Borrow mine. 

BOTH 
It's friendship, friendship, 
Just a perfect blendship, 
When other friendships have ceased to jell 
Ours will still be swell! 
Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-hep-hep-hep. 

RENO
If they ever black your eyes, put me wise. 

MOON 
If they ever cook your goose, turn me loose. 

RENO 
If they ever put a bullet through your brr-ain 
I'll complain. 

BOTH 
It's friendship, friendship, 
Just a perfect blendship, 
When other friendships go up in smoke, 
Ours will still be oke! 
Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-goof-goof-goof. 

MOON 
If you ever lose your mind, I'll be kind. 

RENO 
If you ever lose your shirt, I'll be hurt. 

MOON 
If you're ever in a mill and get sawed in half, 
I won't laugh. 

BOTH 
It's friendship, friendship, 
Just a perfect blendship, 
When other friendships have been "forgate" 
Ours will still be great! 

RENO 
If they ever crack your spine, drop a line. 

MOON
If they ever cut your throat, write a note. 

RENO 
If they ever make a cannibal stew of you, 
Invite me too! 

BOTH 
It's friendship, friendship, 
Just a perfect blendship, 
When other friendships are up the crick, 
Ours will still be slick! 
Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle- 

MOON 
Quack-quack-quack 

RENO 
Woof-woof-woof 

BOTH 
When other friendships have been forgot, 
Ours will still be hot! 

MOON 
Quack-quack-quack 

RENO
Woof-woof-woof 



10.IT'S DE-LOVELY 

BILLY
The night is young, the skies are clear 
So if you want to go walking, dear, 
It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely. 
I understand the reason why 
You're sentimental, 'cause so am I, 
It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely. 
You can tell at a glance 
What a swell night this is for romance, 
You can hear dear Mother Nature 
Murmuring low, 
"Let yourself go!" 
So please be sweet, my chickadee, 
And when I kiss you, just say to me, 
"It's delightful, it's delicious, 
It's delectable, it's delirious, 
It's dilemma, it's delimit, it's deluxe, 
It's de-lovely". 

HOPE
I feel a sudden urge to sing 
The kind of ditty that invokes the spring. 

BILLY 
I'll control my desire to curse 
While you crucify the verse. 

HOPE
This verse I started seems to me 
The Tin-Pantithesis of a melody, 

BILLY
So spare us all the pain, 
Just skip the darn thing and sing the refrain... 

HOPE 
Mi, mi, mi, mi, 
Re, re, re, re, 
Do, sol, mi, do, la, si. 

The night is young, the skies are clear 
So if you want to go walking, dear, 
It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely. 
I understand the reason why 
You're sentimental, 'cause so am I, 
It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely. 
You can tell at a glance 
What a swell night this is for romance, 
You can hear dear Mother Nature 
Murmuring low, 
"Let yourself go!" 

BILLY
So please be sweet, my chickadee, 
And when I kiss you, just say to me, 
"It's delightful, it's delicious, 
It's...It's de-lovely". 



11.ANYTHING GOES 

RENO 
Times have changed, 
And we've often rewound the clock, 
Since the Puritans got a shock, 
When they landed on Plymouth Rock. 
If today, 
Any shock they should try to stem, 
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock, 
Plymouth Rock would land on them. 

In olden days a glimpse of stocking 
Was looked on as something shocking, 
But now, God knows, 
Anything Goes. 

Good authors too who once knew better words, 
Now only use four letter words 
Writing prose, Anything Goes. 
 
The world has gone mad today 
And good's bad today, 
And black's white today, 
And day's night today, 
When most guys today 
That women prize today 
Are just silly gigolos 
And though I'm not a great romancer 
I know that I'm bound to answer 
When you propose, 
Anything goes 

When grandmama whose age is eighty 
In night clubs is getting matey with gigolo's, 
Anything Goes. 

When mothers pack and leave poor father 
Because they decide they'd rather be tennis pros, 
Anything Goes. 

If driving fast cars you like, 
If low bars you like, 
If old hymns you like, 
If bare limbs you like, 
If Mae West you like 
Or me undressed you like, 
Why, nobody will oppose! 
When every night, 
The set that's smart 
Is intruding in nudist parties in studios, 
Anything Goes. 

RENO, PASSENGERS & CREW 
The world has gone mad today 
And good's bad today, 
And black's white today, 
And day's night today, 
When most guys today 
That women prize today 
Are just silly gigolos 
And though I'm not a great romancer 
I know that I'm bound to answer 
When you propose, 
Anything goes 

RENO
If saying your prayers you like, 
If green pears you like 
If old chairs you like, 
If back stairs you like, 
If love affairs you like 
With young bears you like, 
Why nobody will oppose! 

ALL 
And though I'm not a great romancer 
And though I'm not a great romancer 
I know that I'm bound to answer 
When you propose, 
Anything goes... 
Anything goes! 


ACT TWO 


12.ENTR'ACTE 
Orchestra 



13.PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE 

CAPTAIN 
Tonight there's going to be some fun 

PASSENGERS 
Some fun-o!  Some fun-o! 

CAPTAIN 
For Public Enemy Number One . 

PASSENGERS 
Public Enemy Number One-o! 

PURSER 
Our gallant captain has told the staff 

PASSENGERS 
The staff-o!  The staff-o! 

PURSER 
It's time for killing the fatted calf, 
As he's throwing a party on behalf 
Of Public Enemy Number One. 

PASSENGERS
Public Enemy Number One-o! 

ALL
Public Enemy Number One, 
Thank thee for ev'rything thou hast done. 
Blessings on thee, thou noble chap, 
For putting this boat of ours on the map. 
Thank thee heartily, holy man, 
For taking this liner American, 
For henceforth we'll be crowded on ev'ry run 
Due to thee, Public Enemy Number One. 
Amen! 



14.BLOW, GABRIEL, BLOW 

RENO 
Brothers and sisters, we are here tonight to fight the devil... 
Do you hear that playin'? 

COMPANY 
Yes, we hear that playin'! 

RENO 
Do you know who's playin'? 

COMPANY 
No, who is that playin'? 

RENO 
Well, it's Gabriel, Gabriel playin'! 
Gabriel, Gabriel sayin' 
"Will you be ready to go 
When I blow my horn?" 

Oh, blow, Gabriel, blow, 
Go on and blow, Gabriel, blow! 
I've been a sinner, I've been a scamp, 
But now I'm willin' to trim my lamp, 
So blow, Gabriel, blow! 

Oh, I was low, Gabriel, low, 
Mighty low, Gabriel, low. 
But now since I have seen the light, 
I'm good by day and I'm good by night, 
So blow, Gabriel, blow! 

Once I was headed for hell, 
Once I was headed for hell; 
But when I got to Satan's door 
I heard you blowin' on your horn once more, 
So I said, "Satan, farewell!" 

And now I'm all ready to fly, 
Yes, to fly higher and higher! 
'Cause I've gone through brimstone 
And I've been through the fire, 
And I purged my soul 
And my heart too, 
So climb up the mountaintop 
And start to blow, Gabriel, blow 

ALL 
Come on and blow, Gabriel, blow! 

RENO 
I want to join your happy band 
And play all day in the Promised Land. 
So blow, Gabriel, blow! 
Come on you scamps, get up you sinners! 
You're all too full of expensive dinners. 
Stand up on your lazy feet and sing! 

ALL 
Blow, Gabriel, blow, (Blow, Gabriel!) 
Go on and blow, Gabriel, blow.  (Blow, Gabriel!) 
I've been a sinner, I've been a scamp, 
But now I'm willin' to trim my lamp, 
So blow, Gabriel, blow. 

I was low, Gabriel, low, (Low, Gabriel!) 
Mighty low, Gabriel, low. 
But now since that I have seen the light 
I'm good by day and I'm good by night 
So blow, Gabriel, blow. 

RENO
Once I was headed for hell, 
Once I was headed for hell; 
But when I got to Satan's door 
I heard you blowin' on your horn once more, 
So I said, "Satan, farewell!" 

And now I'm all ready to fly, 
Yes, to fly higher and higher! 
'Cause I've gone through brimstone 
And I've been through the fire, 
And I purged my soul 
And my heart too, 
So climb up the mountaintop 
And start to blow, Gabriel, blow 

ALL
Go on and blow, Gabriel, blow! 

RENO 
I want to join your happy band 
And play all day in the Promised Land. 
So blow, Gabriel! 

ALL 
Go on and... 
Blow, Gabriel, blow 
Blow, Gabriel, blow 
Blow, Gabriel, blow 
I wanna join your happy band 
And play all day in the Promised Land, 
So blow, Gabriel, blow, Gabriel, blow, Gabriel, blow! 



15.GOODBYE, LITTLE DREAM, GOODBYE 

HOPE
Goodbye, little dream, goodbye, 
You made my romance sublime, 
Now it's time to fly, 
For the stars have fled from heavens, 
The moon's deserted the hill, 
And the sultry breeze that sang in the trees 
Is suddenly strangely still. 

It's done little dream it's done, 
So bid me a fond farewell, 
We both had our fun. 

Was it Romeo or Juliet who said 
When about to die, 
"Love is not all peaches and cream", 
Little dream, goodbye. 



16.BE LIKE THE BLUEBIRD 

MOON
You know your problem, Billy?  
You ain't got no philosophy. 
It's like Dillinger once told me: 
"Remember, it's always the darkest 
just before they turn on the lights." 

There's an old Australian bush song 
That Melba used to sing, 
A song that always cheered me when I was blue. 

Even Melba said this bush song 
Was a helluva song to sing, 
So be quiet whilst I render it for you. 

When your instinct tells you that disaster 
Is approaching you faster and faster, 
Then be like the bluebird and sing, 
"Tweet tweet, tra-la, tra-la, tra-la." 

When you know you're headed for the jailer 
Don't allow the old face to look paler 
But be like the bluebird and sing, 
"Tweet tweet, tra-la, tra-la, tra-la." 

Be like the bluebird who never is blue, 
For he knows from his upbringing what singing can do, 
And though by other birdies in the boughs, 
He may be told that his efforts are perfectly lousy, 
He sings on and on till his troubles are through, 
"Tweet tweet, tra-la, tra-la, tra-la." 



17.ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT 

BILLY 
All through the night I delight in your love. 
All through the night you're so close to me. 
All through the night from a height far above, 
You and your love bring me ecstasy. 
When dawn comes to waken me, 
You're never there at all, 
I know you've forsaken me 
Till the shadows fall, 
But then once again I can dream I've the right 
To be close to you all through the night. 

HOPE
All through the night I delight in your love. 
All through the night you're so close to me. 

BILLY, HOPE & CREW
All through the night from a height far above, 
You and your love bring me ecstasy. 
When dawn comes to waken me, 
You're never there at all, 
I know you've forsaken me 
Till the shadows fall, 
And then once again I can dream I've the right 

BILLY 
Staying close to you all through the night, 

CREW 
Through the night. 



18.THE GYPSY IN ME 

EVELYN 
I've never told this to anybody before, Miss Sweeney. 
It's the Oakleigh family secret.  There's something 
dark and savage in our blood.  In mine especially. 
You see... 

Long, long ago, 
So long ago 
I hardly know when, 
My great-great-grandmother 
Now and then 
Stepped out with a gypsy. 

Of course she will say she was 
A little bit tipsy. 
But tipsy, no, no. 
Of their love there wasn't a doubt, 
So I can't wait to get the stage all set 
So I can let the gypsy in me out. 

Hiding away 
There's a little bit of gypsy in me 
Just hanging around 
Till that magical night 
When the stars by their light 
Give mystery to the sleeping lagoon, 
While a haunting guitar 
Not too near, not too far, 
Gaily hums away, 
Strums away 
A titillating tune. 

When I'm there in the dream 
With the one in the world 
I worship passionately, 
At the moment supreme 
Will be shown the unknown 
Gypsy in me. 



19.BUDDIE, BEWARE 

ERMA 
Come on, fellas, gettin' married's for the birds. 
Who needs it? 

CREW 
We do! 

ERMA
Yeah? 

Buddie, beware, 
Buddie, better take care, 
Though at heart I'm a pearl 
I'm a difficult girl, 
So, buddie, beware. 

During Christmas holidays 
I develop taking ways 
And I'm not at all anti 
Pretty things Santy 
Brings from Cartier's. 

Your devotion I prize 
But you must realize, my boys, 
Other girl's luxuries 
Are my necessities, 
So, buddie, beware. 

I feel I should put you right. 
As I lie in bed at night 
While the twinkling stars gleam on, 
With my cold cream on 
I'm a lovely sight. 
And another thing too, 
When I'm married to you, my sweet, 
If to come home you fail, 
I'll open all your mail, 
So, buddie, beware. 



20.I GET A KICK OUT OF YOU (Reprise) 

BILLY
All right, Captain, let's get on with it. 
You've got some weddings to perform here. 

RENO 
Come on, Cap!  I've waited all my life to be a Lady! 

(to Lord Evelyn), 
I get no kick from champagne. 
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all, 
So tell me why should it be true 

RENO & EVELYN
That I get a kick out of you? 

BILLY 
(to Hope) 
Some get a kick from cocaine. 
I'm sure that if I took even one sniff 
That would bore me terrific'ly too 

BILLY & HOPE 
Yet I get a kick out of you. 

ALL 
I get a kick ev'rytime I see 
You standing there before me. 

CREW
(to Erma) 
I get a kick though it's clear to me 
You obviously don't adore me. 

ALL 
I get no kick in a plane, 
Flying too high with some guy in the sky 
Is my idea of nothing to do, 
Yet I get a kick out of you. 


21.ANYTHING GOES (Reprise) 

COMPANY 
The world has gone mad today 
And good's bad today, 
And black's white today, 
And day's night today, 
When most guys today 
That women prize today 
Are just silly gigolos 
And though I'm not a great romancer 
I know that I'm bound to answer 
When you propose, 
Anything goes... 
Anything goes! 

---